i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
