Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
