I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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