tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
