No stitches, just platelets and will power
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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