Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
