Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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