how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
