Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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