He is such a slut. More and more my type.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
