I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
