I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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