So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
