I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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