never play flip cup with pint glasses
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
