you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
