i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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