i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
