did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
