He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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