I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
