well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
