You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
