Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize