I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
