shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
