these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
