I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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