hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
