ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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