nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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