Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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