I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
