How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
