gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
