i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
