Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
