is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
