So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
