tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
