fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
