Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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