It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
