dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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