Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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