i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
