I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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