she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i've created a new STD.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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