just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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