It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
