I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
