Pants 0. Shit 1.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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