The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
