If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just found a bag of teeth...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
