once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
