I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize