come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
