Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My hand turned me down
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
