I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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