my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
