maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
