You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
