She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
