WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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