does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
