I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
