Four minutes until I can fart!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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