I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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