Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
