what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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