Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
