I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
as a side note pls kill me
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
