I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She tied me up with her honor cords...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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