Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
