just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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