at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
