can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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